Happiness Strategies | How to be Happy

I thought you might be interested in the latest post over at Get Organized Wizard.

Lately I’ve been thinking about change. I’ve observed friends, and felt for myself, the difficulty of navigating through changes that we don’t want, but have no control over – whether it’s a job redundancy, end of a relationship, or some other kind of loss.

I can often identify something like the five stages of grief described by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross…  It’s a painful cycle!

So I started thinking about an alternative cycle for navigating change that you don’t want, and can’t control. One that takes out some of the pain and eases the transition.

Here’s what I’ve come up with. Instead of stages that you go through, these are self-directed steps that you take. Read more…

While you’re there, you can download a free copy of the 5 Steps To Making Peace With Change Worksheet.  It’s available to members of the Get Organized Wizard community forums, which are filled with hundreds of posts and resources.

Become a member now (it’s free).

Till next time,

[Top image: by David Reece]

‘How long till the bus gets here?’

‘Should I walk instead?’

‘Maybe it’s just around the corner and then I’ll miss it.’

‘But if it’s not around the corner then how long till it gets here?’

If such Shakespearean dilemmas plaque your daily commute, you’ll be relieved to know there’s now a definitive, mathematically sanctioned solution to the bus-catcher’s bind.

New Scientist reports that Scott Kominers and some fellow Harvard mathematicians have come up with a formula for making the choice between waiting and walking – and you don’t even need a calculator.

Happiness life strategy

If neither option is clearly preferable (it doesn’t work if there’s a long wait between buses and a short walk to your destination or vice versa) then the formula says waiting, however vexatious*, is the preferred option.

Of course you can still choose to walk and get there later, but Kominers suggests you’ll save yourself frustration by making this decision pre-bus stop.

So put an end to vacillating and adopt Kominers’s solution. You’ll have a less stressful wait and a more relaxed ride – and you’ll probably be happier when you get where you’re going.

That is, unless you think you should take the train?

*My tip for making the wait less vexatious is to actually do The Bus Stop – simply copy the moves from the video. If nothing else, you’ll likely have the waiting area to yourself.

Image konr4d

No matter what your personality make-up, you can make choices that bring you greater happiness. You just have to understand the pros and cons of your personality traits.

In Happiness Strategy 12: Make peace with your personality we learned the ‘Big-Five’ dimensions of personality are extraversion, agreeableness, conscientiousness, openness and neuroticism and we saw that extraversion and neuroticism are particularly related to happiness.

According to Daniel Nettle of Newcastle University in the UK, regardless of your personality composition there’s an ideal environment for you (New Scientist 9 February 2008).

Nettle notes that for each personality dimension there’s both an upside and downside.

• In his own study extraverts had more sexual partners and enjoyed greater career and economic success (they’re also more likely to be ‘born happy’ as well as act in ways that promote happiness). On the other hand extraverts suffered more injury- and accident-related hospitalization and greater family instability, including divorce.
• Agreeable people attract and keep friends and enjoy plenty of social support. The cost, however, is often their own priorities, which they sacrifice for the sake of others.
• Conscientiousness can help a person gets things done but it can also close their eyes to opportunities that distractible people notice and exploit.
• Openness can serve people well in historical/cultural contexts that value artistic qualities but not in times where more practical qualities are needed.
• Neuroticism (which is related to unhappiness) can be an asset in times of genuine threat.

Nettle’s point is that knowing your personality puts you in touch with its pros and cons. And that helps you make better choices for happiness.

Happiness life strategy

It’s no secret to Happiness Strategies readers that I score high on both introversion and neuroticism. Realizing I had these predispositions gave me two of my most reliable and effective happiness strategies.

1. Recognizing my introverted tendencies led me to re-structure my life to have more alone time. I changed my work situation so I can work from home and I stopped going out so much. I now feel drained much less and enjoy my social time much more. I look forward to being with people!

2. Facing my inner neurotic helped me pay less attention to my worries – I realized they weren’t necessarily ‘real’. It also helped me accept and enjoy my pleasure in order and tidiness – it was simply a quirk, so I could enjoy it instead of trying to deconstruct or change it.

Want to know yourself a little better? You could do an online personality test or read more about the Big Five dimensions. But you probably already have a good sense of your personality, and can gain more insight simply by tuning in.

By becoming more aware of your predispositions you too can work with them for greater happiness. For instance:

• Agreeableness
  If you feel resentful that your preferences often get pushed aside, realize your part in this. You could choose to raise your own priorities a smidge and lower your need to be loved by everyone all the time.
• Conscientiousness
  If you’re not so good at being organized and getting things done, office manager may not be the career for you. Look for opportunities that reward flexibility and don’t require routine – perhaps sales or creative work.
• Openness
  If you feel constrained by your friends you may benefit from looking for new people in your life. Instead of doing the things you find stifling, explore courses, classes or groups with interests that stimulate you. You might find a whole new dimension to yourself!

As Nettle says,

If your personality causes you grief, why not try changing the niche you occupy in this complex system that is modern life?

Technorati Tags: happiness,personality,extraversion,neuroticism,agreeableness,conscientiousness,openness,Big Five

Image konr4d

Relationships are important to happiness, so nurturing your social skills would seem a pretty wise happiness strategy. Now, is that something you can get from a book?

Well, yes and no – it depends on the book.

It may surprise you that research shows people panache is more polished in readers of Pride and Prejudice or Harry Potter than readers of How to Win Friends and Influence People.

According to a 2005 University of Toronto  study, reading fiction is linked to social skills like empathy and awareness. But non-fiction? Not so much.

The study was correlational, not causal, so we can’t say for sure that our reading matter makes us more or less socially adept.

I can see how reading fiction could boost people skills. After all, reading a novel gets you right into a character’s head – you experience ‘first hand’ another person’s feelings and cogitations, tuning you in to the depth of their internal life. It makes sense that your social insight would be cultivated. 

On the other hand, it could go in the other direction, with socially skilled people simply choosing to read more fiction. That would still be interesting. Perhaps reading fiction is a way to hone the skill, or perhaps it’s pleasurable to flex a strong empathy muscle.

Regardless of direction, there’s a link between reading stories and getting on with others. So it can’t hurt every now and then to put down your Q Is for Quantum Particle Physics and pick up A is for Alibi.

Technorati Tags: happiness,relationships,research,reading,fiction

Image: iofoto

Are your chocolate indulgences tarnished by fears of cholesterol, cavities, pimples and fat?

Well fret no more, chocoholic chums – a recent SparkPeople article has set about busting these and other chocolate-coated myths.

Now before you install chocolate at the base of your personal food pyramid, take note: the quantities you can savor before the guilt-free swing-tag falls off are not large. The article quotes 1.4 ounces or about 40 grams – somewhere between a fun size and regular size chocolate bar.

Here’s a paraphrased summary of the article:

Myth: Chocolate puts you in caffeine overdrive.
Busted! A 4-ounce chocolate bar and 8-ounce chocolate-milk drink each contain 6 mg of caffeine,  versus 65-135mg in a regular coffee.

Myth: Chocolate kicks up your cholesterol.
Busted! The saturated fat in milk chocolate doesn’t raise cholesterol the same way other fats do. Eating a 1.4 ounce chocolate bar can raise HDL (good) cholesterol levels.

Myth: Chocolate is nutritionally bankrupt.
Busted! Chocolate yields magnesium, copper, iron and zinc and has the same amount of antioxidants as a 5-ounce glass of red wine. A daily dose of the dark stuff can help lower blood pressure and improve insulin resistance (but don’t abandon medication!).

Myth: Chocolate rots your teeth.
Busted! Milk chocolate’s mouth-clearing fat content shortens sugar-tooth contact time and its protein, calcium and phosphate may actually protect tooth enamel.

Myth: Chocolate gives you migraines.
Busted!  Research findings say nope.

Myth: Chocolate causes zits.
Busted! Twenty years worth of studies say nuh-uh.

Myth: Chocolate makes you a fatty boombah.
Busted! The average chocolate bar contains 220 calories, not so high that you can’t enjoy it now and then.

With Cupid just behind us and the Easter Bunny hippity-hoppitying his way over, it’s good to know we can indulge ourselves, moderately, in the pleasures of chocolate.

Be wise and be happy.

Technorati Tags: Happiness life strategy,happiness,research,chocolate,myth busting

Image: Scyza