“Each friend represents a world in us,
a world possibly not born until they arrive,
and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.” – Anais Nin
Isn’t it wonderful how you inhabit a slightly different ‘world’ with each of your friends – witty with Alex, fun with Cletus, relaxed with Sal. It’s like there’s a theme of ‘you’, with a different variation for each friend’s influence.
You can see how these different selves are co-created by the people in a relationship.
Think of the guy who easily finishes tasks at work, but passive-aggressively avoids projects his wife nags him about.
‘Why is it only the things I want you to do that never get done?’ she asks. Why indeed.
Or the girl who’s perfectly competent with her girlfriends but loses her keys or forgets where she parked the car when she’s with her critical boyfriend.
‘You’re useless – how do you cope when I’m not around?’ He’d be surprised.
Each of us has limited time and energy for friendship. But friends are so important that it’s wise to be careful how we spend our ‘friendship resources’. Think of the world you can create in another person – don’t squander that power.
- Spend more time with people who bring out your best
You’ll feel happy and confident, and take the halo effect into your other relationships. - Help bring out the best in others.
By showing respect, being encouraging and offering a hand when needed, you’ll support your friends and help them to express their finest selves. - Avoid friendships that sap your energy.
Some people are determined to be miserable. If they’re not open to your help then you might want to put your friendship resources to better use.
By being more aware of the influence you and your friends have on one another, you can nurture friendships that create a wonderful world in both of you.
