Thomas Leonard, considered by many to be the father of life coaching, coined the term ‘irresistibly attractive’ to describe the drawing of people, ideas and opportunities to you rather than the pursuit or seduction of these things by you.
Here are his top 10 steps to becoming irresistibly attractive, reproduced verbatim from
The Top 10 Steps to Becoming Irresistibly Attractive
1. Don’t need much.
If you need something, usually it will run away/escape you. Get your personal and financial needs met first and you’ll find yourself attracting vs seducing.
2. Think big, really big.
Attraction occurs when there is a healthy vacuum between where you are and what you want to have happen. The wider the gap, the greater the pulling power of attraction.
3. Eliminate the holes in your life.
Where are you being depleted? By whom? Plug those holes by extending boundaries, raising standards, resolving past issues, healing. Attraction won’t find you until you’re ready. Get ready.
4. Pay attention to what’s happening to/around you RIGHT NOW.
Attraction LIVES in the moment, not in the future. Are you responding fully to both the problems and the opportunities that are occurring — in force — right now, in your space? Gotta start here, where attraction can find you.
5. Learn from people who are naturally attractive.
Some people are; some people aren’t. Hang out with those who are and emulate them. And ask for help. They’ll be happy to tell you how it works. Just be ready to make changes in your thinking, assumptions, actions and behavior.
6. Increase your awareness.
Sounds trite, but it’s necessary. Attraction is a subtle phenomenon. You won’t feel it or get it until you’ve increased your awareness of yourself, those around you, how you think, your life assumptions.
7. Add value to whomever or whatever you encounter.
We all have something to add. Add it. If you don’t have enough to add, learn a new skill. When you ADD what you have to other’s lives, whether they are clients, friends, potential customers, family, YOU become much more attractive.
8. Tell the truth.
This means more than not lying. There is a level of telling the truth that will truly set you free and attract others to you. And, there is a way to tell the truth from a place of love vs power. Usually having awareness and advanced phrasing is what helps this process occur naturally. That, plus having enough reserve in your life so you can afford any consequences of telling the truth.
9. Build a reserve in all areas.
When you have enough money, time, space, love, ideas, opportunities, friends, you’ll become an even stronger magnet for what you want — because you won’t NEED it.
10. Do what YOU want to do in life.
We’ve all been overly influenced by shoulds, oughts and have-to’s. So much so that what you/we want to do has been suppressed WAY down deep.
Happiness life strategy
Leonard’s idea of attractiveness – of being the kind of person who draws to you the things you desire, rather than having to madly chase them – well, it’s a very attractive idea. But I find his steps a little overwhelming. How can we apply them in our own lives?
One approach is to read over each one and see if you feel prompted to make a particular change or take up a certain action that gels with where you are now. Then you could re-visit the steps in, say, a week or a month (I always diarize tasks I want to remember) and notice what speaks to you then. That way, you can slowly absorb this notion of becoming irresistibly attractive and allow it to permeate your life.
And if it still seems a little overwhelming, maybe that’s not a bad thing. As Leonard says, you want a ‘healthy vacuum between where you are and what you want to have happen. The wider the gap, the greater the pulling power of attraction’.