Thanks so much for your comment.

I’ve found optimism to be a lesson I have to keep learning - it’s so easy to fall back into old negative habits.

Thank you for reminding me!

Warm regards,
Michele

Aaron

Thanks so much for the book - which looks lovely - and congrats on your success. It’s certainly an important topic.

I’m not doing any happiness-related stuff right at the mo, Aaron. But rest assured your title is at the top of the pile for my return!

Best wishes for continued success with the book.

Ciao for now,
Michele

The exciting news is that the book we sent you last month, “I Just Want My Kids To Be Happy! Why you shouldn’t say it, why you shouldn’t think it, what you should embrace instead,” recently won a Gold Medal in the 2008 Mom’s Choice Awards.

I know you’ve been on a hiatus, but wondered if you’ve had a chance to look at it.

(For a few laughs, go to YouTube to view our book’s video: Sylvia Strikes Again.)

Please let us know what you think of the book.

Thanks so much.

beautiful website as much as you are beautiful too.
i hope i can know more about you, just curious

Thanks for taking the trouble to comment further. Here are a few points of clarification that may also interest other readers:

1. The concepts of EXTRAVERSION/INTROVERSION and neuroticism that I use are based on the ‘Big-Five’ dimensions generally accepted by psychologists who study subjective wellbeing. See:
http://www.happinessstrategies.com/blog/2008/01/24/how-to-be-happy-12-make-peace-with-your-personality/

(Incidentally, the ‘constant social activity’ you mention sounds AWFUL to me. As I said, I don’t go out very often and I pick my social occasions carefully. I suspect most introverts do.)

2. The concept of HAPPINESS I use is drawn from the psych literature. See my post:
http://www.happinessstrategies.com/blog/2007/10/15/how-to-be-happy-1-get-clear-about-happiness/

As you’ll see, it’s pretty comprehensive and based entirely on research findings. All the references are cited at the bottom of the post.

3. The LINK BETWEEN LOW EXTRAVERSION/HIGH NEUROTICISM AND HAPPINESS is not my opinion - it’s a robust research finding. Every time I mention the personality-happiness connection I provide the study references. You might like to check them out for the nitty gritty details. It’s all there.

For PERSONALITY-HAPPINESS RESEARCH FINDINGS see the references cited for posts under the Personality category:
http://www.happinessstrategies.com/blog/category/personality/

For RESEARCH METHODOLOGY see ‘If you’re wondering how happiness is studied…’ under:
http://www.happinessstrategies.com/blog/101-happiness-strategies/

4. The finding that INTROVERTS WHO ACT EXTRAVERTED ARE HAPPIER than those who don’t isn’t my opinion, it’s a research finding. For details check out the references for my post:
http://www.happinessstrategies.com/blog/2008/02/01/how-to-be-happy-13-act-like-youre-an-extravert-even-if-you-arent/

5. This site doesn’t judge that people SHOULD be happier. It’s a SITE FOR PEOPLE WHO WANT TO BE HAPPIER - so it offers suggestions, based on research, philosophy or sometimes humor, for how people might change their thinking and actions. I distill the information so my readers can find a range of information in one place and use what they like.

6. I don’t suggest ANTI-DEPRESSANTS are the answer. See especially my posts:

http://www.happinessstrategies.com/blog/2007/10/31/if-you-werent-born-happy-swap-medication-for-mindset/

http://www.happinessstrategies.com/blog/2007/11/14/imagine-if-there-were-a-happiness-pill-would-you-take-it/

http://www.happinessstrategies.com/blog/2008/03/05/is-that-prozac-in-your-pocket-or-do-you-just-think-youre-happy-to-see-me/

http://www.happinessstrategies.com/blog/2008/03/12/exercise-and-happiness/

Ciao for now,
Michele

That’s such a good question - how can you make peace with your personality and yet ‘pretend’ to be something you’re not?

The ‘making peace with your personality’ part is about knowing yourself and recognizing the parts of you that make happiness easier or harder. The ‘acting’ part is about choosing to behave in ways that may not be your first instinct, but which help you to be happier.

For instance, once I realized that I was quite high on neuroticism, I stopped seeing my worries as necessarily ‘real’. Even though it felt ‘natural’ to me to ruminate endlessly, I saw that other people with different personalities in the same situation wouldn’t worry so much. It’s not that I now ‘pretend’ not to worry, but instead I might distract myself with other things or ask a non-worrying friend how they’d view the situation. (I’m not always successful, believe me, but it’s better than always giving in to the ‘natural’ worrier! And it does get a little easier over time.)

Similarly with introversion. Making peace with that aspect of my personality has helped me make ‘happier’ choices - like going out less, choosing my social occasions carefully, but also making more of an effort to talk to people when I do choose to be social.

I guess it’s a bit like deciding to eat well. Not everyone’s lucky enough to love fruit and vegetables. But if you make peace with your love of crunchy foods then it makes it easier to make healthful choices - like, apples, celery and crunchy salads, rather than boiled vegetables or pureed fruit. Not a great analogy, but I guess my point is that if you only do the things that come naturally or habitually it might not serve you in the long run. But by knowing what’s natural – making peace with your personality - you can make better - more informed - choices for yourself.

Re the second part of your comment, I don’t see why you should try to act like a ‘typical extraverted female’ - you sound like a wonderful thinking, feeling person just as you are! The idea coming from the research is simply that you can boost your happiness by moving toward the extraverted side of your OWN personality. Not pretending, just edging beyond habit and comfort and seeing how you feel when you do - you might surprise yourself. You’re the boss, remember, and the whole point is to BE HAPPIER, so view your actions and choices as a toolbox to play with.

Lastly, as an introverted female you can feel invisible at times – I certainly do. But I imagine it’s also hard to be an introverted male, especially as men are often expected to be aggressive and take-charge.

Thanks so much for taking the trouble to comment on this post, Lanie. (You might also be interested in the linked posts which have more detail.) I’d really welcome your thoughts on this reply.

Warm wishes,
Michele