Happiness Strategies | How to be Happy

Lesson: We can learn from happy extraverts and happy introverts

We saw in Strategy 12 that introverted people tend to be less happy than their extraverted counterparts.

But before you anti-social butterflies throw up your wings in despair and head for the nearest net, let me share some nuggets of evidence that the extraversion-happiness link is less clear-cut than it looks.

1. Even the strong correlations between extraversion and happiness (up to .61 for the statistically minded; 1) allow for rather a lot of happy introverts. Most of us can think of someone who’s not naturally outgoing, but who’s happy. If extraversion isn’t inevitably related to happiness, something else must be at work, at least for the happy introverts.

2. Happy introverts act a lot like like happy extraverts – at work, leisure and even when engaged in solitary activities (1). So although  happy introverts and happy extraverts score differently on personality traits, they behave in similar ways.

3. Simply acting extraverted leads to feeling happier. This applies whether you’re deliberately making an effort to be social, optimistic and active (some of the qualities of extraversion) or you do it naturally in the situation (2).

The fact that there are unhappy extraverts and happy introverts means it can’t be extraversion per se that makes people happy. Rather, the findings above suggest that both extraverts and introverts are happy when they do extraverted things. Perhaps acting social, optimistic and active comes naturally to extraverts – but the good news for the rest of us is that even when introverts act that way, their happiness increases too.

Happiness strategy: Act like you’re an extravert – even if you aren’t

Wherever you sit on the introversion-extraversion dimension, you can be happier. You needn’t go from party pooper to party popper overnight, but you can take small actions that feel good to you. For instance:

• Start one conversation each day
  It can be with a person at the store, the library, the gym, the coffee machine – anywhere you see people. Keep it simple and light – no medical stories or rants about today’s youth. Starting up conversations is a great way to build your social muscle – and soon you’ll find it’s less of an effort and more of a habit.
• Initiate social dates
  Not everyone is the life of the party but we do all benefit from having a network of people in our lives – even a small one. Be prepared to initiate some social activities yourself. Start with something simple like inviting a friend out for coffee or suggesting a movie to see with a small group you already know.
• Plan activities for yourself
  You might feel disinclined to plan activities but having a schedule is a good way to become more proactive. Boosting your energy level and opting for a little extra adventure can be goals you pursue at a pace that feels challenging, but good. 

The idea with this strategy is not to push yourself to be something you’re not. Rather, simply aim for the more extraverted end of your own spectrum – and you might just find yourself at the happier end, too.

A note on neuroticism
Neuroticism hasn’t attracted as much research attention as extraversion, so we don’t have parallel findings about people acting emotionally stable (neuroticism’s opposite pole). As happiness research continues to thrive, such research may emerge.

Research sources:

(1) Hills, P., & Argyle, M. (2001). Happiness, introversion-extraversion and happy introverts. Personality and Individual Differences, 30(4), 595-608.

(2) Fleeson, W., Malanos, A. B., & Achille, N. M. (2002). An intraindividual process approach to the relationship between extraversion and positive affect: Is acting extraverted as ‘good’ as being extraverted? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 83(6), 1409-1422.

How to be happy:
101 practical strategies drawn from positive psychology.

This post is part of a series covering simple, practical, research-inspired, happiness strategies you can use in your own life. For more information about the series, check out the 101 Happiness Strategies main page.

Technorati Tags: happiness,personality,positive psychology,extraversion,happiness research,happiness strategies

Image: (eLi) under the terms of a creative commons license

Lesson: Not all personalities are created equally happy

In Strategy 11 we saw there’s evidence that genes link to happiness via personality – which has a moderate-to-strong genetic component, emerges early, and stays stable-ish through life.

Psychologists believe personality can, to some extent, be reflected by 5 traits: agreeableness, openness,  conscientiousness, extraversion, and neuroticism. These ‘Big-Five’  are dimensions, not types, so all 5 appear in everyone to some extent. And they don’t sum up a person – they’re simply helpful descriptive tools.

Of special relevance to happiness are neuroticism, a tendency to be anxious, moody and easily upset, and extraversion, an inclination toward sociability, optimism and activity. Quite a lot of research suggests there’s a personality-happiness link: that happiness relates positively to extraversion and negatively to neuroticism. (1; 2; 3).

This link – and the finding that personality doesn’t change much over your life – has led some psychologists in the past to say  happiness is genetically set (4). But these days psychologists see heredity as indirect – you can thwart unwanted aspects of personality by deliberate action (5) – such as avoiding triggering situations or consciously choosing to do things that may not come naturally.

Recent research supports the idea of a more indirect happiness-personality link:

• Personality is only one influence on happiness (4). Other factors play a part – and may even counteract personality effects – in a person’s happiness level.
• The happiness-personality link fades when you include happiness-generating behaviors (6).  (There’ll be much more on these in upcoming strategies). That is, happiness has a lot to do with a person’s actions.
• For instance, extraverts feel happier because they make more effort to manage their moods (7).

Happiness strategy: Make peace with your personality

If you’re inclined toward sociability, optimism and activity, celebrate your extraversion! If you’re naturally resistant to upsets, worry and bad moods, enjoy your freedom from neuroticism! And if you’re both extraverted and emotionally stable (the opposite pole of neuroticism) then congratulations – you have a happy personality (8)!

If, however, you recognize in yourself a more introverted temperament, or a leaning toward the neurotic, then you might like to notice the things you do that don’t serve your happiness, and choose different behaviors that may not come so naturally. For instance:

• Recognize your perspective may be skewed
  If you lean toward the neurotic, you might think in ways that promote worry, moodiness and upset. Don’t beat yourself up about it – but do recognize that the way you see things may not be constructive. Instead of giving worries and bad moods too much attention, consider seeing them as quirks of personality – and you may find they lose some of their bite.
• Find alternatives to ruminating
  Ruminating is an ineffective way of dealing with worry. If you catch yourself doing it, consciously switch to a more proactive strategy, like writing in a journal, talking with a friend, or brainstorming possible actions to take – anything that stops you endlessly re-hashing go-nowhere thoughts.
• Develop a repertoire of bad-mood busters
  Feeling bad can set you on a downward spiral of negative thinking. Instead, stage a mood intervention and do something to make yourself feel better – just like you might do for a friend. Activities that get you out of your head can be a welcome distraction – like books, movies, DVDs, (keep them light and fun), shopping, gardening, playing sport or games, or spending time with friends. 

These suggestions can help you develop a more emotionally stable approach to upsets. There’s also much to be gained from boosting your extraversion level – as we’ll see in the next strategy.

Research sources:

(1) Cheng, H., & Furnham, A. (2003). Personality, self-esteem, and demographic predictions of happiness and depression. Personality and Individual Differences, 34(6), 921-942.

(2) Hayes, N., & Joseph, S. (2003). Big 5 correlates of three measures of subjective well-being. Personality and Individual Differences, 34(4), 723-727.

(3) Headey, B., & Wearing, A. J. (1992). Understanding happiness: A theory of subjective well-being. South Melbourne: Longman Cheshire.

(4) Lykken, D., & Tellegen, A. (1996). Happiness is a stochastic phenomenon. Psychological Science, 7(3), 186-189.

(5) Lyubomirsky, S. (2001). Why are some people happier than others?: The role of cognitive and motivational processes in well-being. American Psychologist, 56(3), 239-249.

(6) Tkach, C., & Lyubomirsky, S. (2006). How do people pursue happiness?: Relating personality, happiness-increasing strategies, and well-being. Journal of Happiness Studies, 7(2), 183-225.

(7) Lischetzke, T., & Eid, M. (2006). Why extraverts are happier than introverts: The role of mood regulation. Journal of Personality, 74(4), 1127-1162.

(8) Francis, L. J., Brown, L. B., Lester, D., & Philipchalk, R. (1998). Happiness as stable extraversion: A cross-cultural examination of the reliability and validity of the Oxford Happiness Inventory among students in the U.K., U.S.A., Australia, and Canada. Personality and Individual Differences, 24(2), 167-171.

How to be happy:
101 practical strategies drawn from positive psychology.

This post is part of a series covering simple, practical, research-inspired, happiness strategies you can use in your own life. For more information about the series, check out the 101 Happiness Strategies main page.

Technorati Tags: Happiness research,happiness strategies,personality,positive psychology,happiness,extraversion,neuroticism

Image: dokuro hana under the terms of a creative commons license

Tuesday’s SMH ran a story on a new book telling us what to do, and what to avoid, to keep our brain cells firing at optimal levels.

Top brain gainers include copious sex, dark chocolate and cold meats for breakfast.

So start your day with a daybreak dalliance, followed by cold, leftover BBQ chicken pizza and a Cherry Ripe chaser, and it’s goodbye Cletus-ville, hello Mensa. Sweet.

Also helpful, but way less fun, is cuddling babies (okay, that is fun), a business degree and reading aloud. No, I don’t think moving your lips as you read Where’s Wally counts. And no, neither does calling out the subtitles during a foreign movie.

If you want to mix it up, try narrating snippets from your business text during sex. You may need to periodically rouse your partner, but at least you’ll have super cognitive powers at the ready for a snide remark should they complain.

Brain drainers include TV soap operas, smoking cannabis and hanging with whiners.

I love TV shows, but to qualify for watching my proviso is they must make me (a) laugh (b) think or (c) feel happy – and soap operas masterfully sidestep all 3. (Ironically, the show Weeds is a triple scorer).

Drugs cause more trouble than they’re worth, so avoiding the lot is a no-brainer – oops anti-brain-drainer.

And as for whiners – I wish there was awards-speech music that welled up as a bout of whining approached 4 minutes. Or a whining download limit that shaped the whinge to an inaudible whisper as it went over 210 seconds. For chronic whiners who persevered beyond all deterrents, I’d like there to be a whiners’ island where they could be exiled to live with other whiners.

Authors Terry Horne and Simon Wootton say the ideas in their book Teach Yourself: Train Your Brain come from research by experts around the world, including findings that certain activities precipitate chemical reactions.

Their advice is excellent: “Mix with people who make you laugh, have a good sense of humour or who share the same interests as you and avoid people who whinge, whine and complain as people who are negative will make you depressed.”

Add a little sex, no drugs and some rocky road – and your brain’s golden.

Technorati Tags: happiness,brain,happiness strategies

Image by by f10n4 under a Creative Commons license.

A couple of months ago I mentioned a review of the film The Pursuit of Happyness, taken from a positive psychology perspective. I reproduced the review’s 224-word abstract (journal lingo for short summary provided by the author), duly citing the author, source and relevant copyright notice. I even wrote a short blurb describing the publication in case readers were interested in the whole review. Then, silly me, I checked in with the publishers to make sure it was OK.

Well, I’ve just received a reply and it seems that No, it’s not OK. I can only use 100 words of the 224-word abstract, or ‘there would be a $75 permissions fee and a specific reproduction notice would be required’. Yikes – paperwork! So I’ve edited down the abstract to a $75-and-paperwork-free 98 words (with apologies to the author, who seemed to think his abstract needed 224 words).

It reminds me of the time my holiday bonus was significantly overpaid. I called payroll and told them of the error, thinking they’d say something like ‘Oh, how honest of you. We’ll check into it and correct the error. Thanks so much, and have a nice day now.’

Instead, I was harshly interrogated on the phone, called to several meetings where I was further cross-examined by what I can only imagine were payroll detectives, and subjected to the worst kind of torture – you guessed it: paperwork. There were reams and reams of forms requiring me to call (I’m not kidding) payroll for the answers. (I also have a distinct recollection of asking the payroll gumshoes if they were going to arrest me for smoking, but as I don’t smoke I have an instinct it’s from a movie.)

What did they suspect me of? Placing my own money in my account, hacking their systems to make it look like they’d paid me, then ringing them to take my money and complete the sting? Genius! Someone call George Clooney because he’s gonna want me as his Ocean’s Fourteenth.

Sometimes I wish I were less super-scrupulous – it’s such a pain. But you know, I have enough trouble sleeping at night. The last thing I need is middle-of-the-night visions of being hauled off by the abstract-reproduction police, subjected to blinding lights, bad coffee and – No! God no! Please no more …paperwork!

Technorati Tags: Happyness , movie review , neuroticism

Happier is based on Tal Ben-Shahar’s positive psychology primer – the most popular class at Harvard and attended by about 20% of all Harvard graduates.

Ben-Shahar wisely suggests that a better question than Am I happy? is How can I be happier?, since this recognizes happiness to be an ongoing and lifelong process.

He positions his book in contrast to self-help guides which, because they aren’t subject to the scientific method, tend to ‘over-promise and under-deliver’ (page xi). Findings published in academic journals, he says, have greater substance.

Part 1 seeks to define happiness and identify the components of a happy life. Here purpose plays a large role in reconciling immediate and delayed gratification, as well as meaning and pleasure.

Part 2 applies these ideas to:

• Education – suggesting a ‘lovemaking model’ for more enjoyable learning
• Work – happier work gives meaning and pleasure and also uses a person’s strengths
• Relationships – we may need to cultivate rather than find the relationships we want.

Part 3 contains Ben-Shahar’s reflections on the nature of happiness and its place in our lives.

Rather than simply surveying the research, Happier seeks to help the reader become happier by incorporating interactive elements:

• Time-ins (as opposed to time-outs), which ask the reader to apply the ideas to their own life – for example, What are the things that you really, really want to do? (page 77).
• Exercises, which include journal-writing, meditations and tasks such as reading a particular book or joining a class.

In short:
Happier argues for a balanced approach to life – balancing present with future wants, pleasure-seeking with meaning-seeking, and self-interest with altruism. The combination of research, anecdotes and exercises give the reader a sense that being happier is an achievable and worthwhile goal.

Although Ben-Shahar’s writing style is certainly not hard work, for some readers the book may be. There are so many concepts and tasks that the whole project may come to feel onerous after a while.

For readers really ready to get happier and looking for the information and exercises to follow, this is a good guide.

Title: Happier: Learn the Secrets to Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment
Author: by Tal Ben-Shahar
Publisher information: McGraw Hill, New York, 2007