Happiness Strategies | How to be Happy

Schopenhauer* believed that life does not hold intrinsic meaning. Nor should we look to the world to make us happy. Rather, as in the animal kingdom, much of human life consists of repetitive efforts to meet our needs, interspersed with brief moments of satisfaction.

Although this may seem a gloomy perspective, it’s actually rather liberating. Once we stop expecting the world to show us a good time, we’re freed from the inevitable disappointment when it neglects to do so. Perhaps we’re less bitter when love lets us down, less devastated when we fail.

In other words, Schopenhauer believed that assuming the world is there to make you happy can be a source of heartache and disappointment.

Happiness strategies inspired by Schopenhauer

Pursuing happiness: If we accept that happiness is not automatic, then it puts the onus on us to find and create happiness for ourselves. We can take a more active approach to designing a pleasing life for ourselves.

Expectations: Perhaps the most helpful idea for our happiness is to accept the inevitability of disappointment. By setting our heart on outcomes with the understanding that some things will go our way and some won’t, we may find ourselves more pleased when things go well and less distressed when they don’t.

Meaning: Meaning may not be inherent in the world, but we can invest our lives with purpose. Our sense of purpose could come from anything that has meaning for us - including religious faith, our relationships, raising children, creating something that outlasts us, contributing to human knowledge or helping others.

Relationships: Being in a relationship purely because it ‘makes you happy’ may leave you more vulnerable to disappointment than one in which you also share common values or one in which you can make yourself happy.

Schopenhauer’s ideas about happiness are confronting, but ultimately freeing. Instead of clinging to the hope that happiness is your right, you can choose to be more active in finding meaning and happiness in what can sometimes be a disappointing world.

Read more philosophers ‘On Happiness’.

*To learn more about Schopenhauer you might like to read The Consolations of Philosophy by Alain de Botton.

Socrates* believed that only people with self-knowledge could find true happiness. According to Socrates:

• - Happiness flows not from physical or external conditions, such as bodily pleasures or wealth and power, but from living a life that’s right for your soul, your deepest good.
• - If you don’t know what’s good for your soul, then you’ll be misled into pursuing happiness based on what’s conventional [money?] or easy [escapism?]. This is a dead-end.
• - If you do know what’s good for your soul, then you’ll do it naturally, since it’s the nature of good to be desired. This is the path to happiness.

In other words, Socrates believed that to be happy you need to know what’s good for you.

Happiness strategies inspired by Socrates

Relationships: We’ve all felt the thrilling appeal of a bad boy/girl, but in our heart of hearts we know they’ll only make us miserable in the ‘ever after’ part of life.

Career: It’s tempting to take a job based on money, but you’ll get used to the money and adjust your expectations quickly. A job offering challenge, good colleagues and enjoyment may well be ‘better for you’ and therefore a happier choice.

Self-knowledge: A little self-reflection can help identify what’s good for you in your own life. By looking back at which decisions have brought you long-term happiness and which have eventually left you feeling regret, you can deepen your self-knowledge.

Generosity: Consider what you can do for others. Giving money, time or resources to help people in need could be wonderful for them - and for your own deepest good.

Socrates’ ideas about happiness can be powerful. Rather than fighting your instant-gratification desires, you might begin to see them as conventional and illusory. This doesn’t mean you’ll always say no to them. But you may develop a sense of what brings true happiness, giving you a more meaningful context for making choices.

Read more philosophers ‘On Happiness’.

*To learn more about Socrates, you might like to read The Passion of the Western Mind: Understanding the Ideas that Have Shaped Our World View by Richard Tarnas.

“Each friend represents a world in us,
a world possibly not born until they arrive,
and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.” - Anais Nin

Isn’t it wonderful how you inhabit a slightly different ‘world’ with each of your friends - witty with Alex, fun with Cletus, relaxed with Sal. It’s like there’s a theme of ‘you’, with a different variation for each friend’s influence.

You can see how these different selves are co-created by the people in a relationship.

Think of the guy who easily finishes tasks at work, but passive-aggressively avoids projects his wife nags him about. 

‘Why is it only the things I want you to do that never get done?’ she asks. Why indeed.

Or the girl who’s perfectly competent with her girlfriends but loses her keys or forgets where she parked the car when she’s with her critical boyfriend.

‘You’re useless - how do you cope when I’m not around?’ He’d be surprised.

Each of us has limited time and energy for friendship. But friends are so important that it’s wise to be careful how we spend our ‘friendship resources’. Think of the world you can create in another person - don’t squander that power.

• Spend more time with people who bring out your best
  You’ll feel happy and confident, and take the halo effect into your other relationships.
• Help bring out the best in others.
  By showing respect, being encouraging and offering a hand when needed, you’ll support your friends and help them to express their finest selves.
• Avoid friendships that sap your energy.
  Some people are determined to be miserable. If they’re not open to your help then you might want to put your friendship resources to better use.

By being more aware of the influence you and your friends have on one another, you can nurture friendships that create a wonderful world in both of you.