I thought you might be interested in the latest post over at Get Organized Wizard.

Lately I’ve been thinking about change. I’ve observed friends, and felt for myself, the difficulty of navigating through changes that we don’t want, but have no control over – whether it’s a job redundancy, end of a relationship, or some other kind of loss.

I can often identify something like the five stages of grief described by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross…  It’s a painful cycle!

So I started thinking about an alternative cycle for navigating change that you don’t want, and can’t control. One that takes out some of the pain and eases the transition.

Here’s what I’ve come up with. Instead of stages that you go through, these are self-directed steps that you take. Read more…

While you’re there, you can download a free copy of the 5 Steps To Making Peace With Change Worksheet.  It’s available to members of the Get Organized Wizard community forums, which are filled with hundreds of posts and resources.

Become a member now (it’s free).

Till next time,

[Top image: by David Reece]

‘Should I walk instead?’

‘Maybe it’s just around the corner and then I’ll miss it.’

‘But if it’s not around the corner then how long till it gets here?’

If such Shakespearean dilemmas plaque your daily commute, you’ll be relieved to know there’s now a definitive, mathematically sanctioned solution to the bus-catcher’s bind.

New Scientist reports that Scott Kominers and some fellow Harvard mathematicians have come up with a formula for making the choice between waiting and walking – and you don’t even need a calculator.

Happiness life strategy

If neither option is clearly preferable (it doesn’t work if there’s a long wait between buses and a short walk to your destination or vice versa) then the formula says waiting, however vexatious*, is the preferred option.

Of course you can still choose to walk and get there later, but Kominers suggests you’ll save yourself frustration by making this decision pre-bus stop.

So put an end to vacillating and adopt Kominers’s solution. You’ll have a less stressful wait and a more relaxed ride – and you’ll probably be happier when you get where you’re going.

That is, unless you think you should take the train?

*My tip for making the wait less vexatious is to actually do The Bus Stop – simply copy the moves from the video. If nothing else, you’ll likely have the waiting area to yourself.

Image konr4d

In Happiness Strategy 12: Make peace with your personality we learned the ‘Big-Five’ dimensions of personality are extraversion, agreeableness, conscientiousness, openness and neuroticism and we saw that extraversion and neuroticism are particularly related to happiness.

According to Daniel Nettle of Newcastle University in the UK, regardless of your personality composition there’s an ideal environment for you (New Scientist 9 February 2008).

Nettle notes that for each personality dimension there’s both an upside and downside.

• In his own study extraverts had more sexual partners and enjoyed greater career and economic success (they’re also more likely to be ‘born happy’ as well as act in ways that promote happiness). On the other hand extraverts suffered more injury- and accident-related hospitalization and greater family instability, including divorce.
• Agreeable people attract and keep friends and enjoy plenty of social support. The cost, however, is often their own priorities, which they sacrifice for the sake of others.
• Conscientiousness can help a person gets things done but it can also close their eyes to opportunities that distractible people notice and exploit.
• Openness can serve people well in historical/cultural contexts that value artistic qualities but not in times where more practical qualities are needed.
• Neuroticism (which is related to unhappiness) can be an asset in times of genuine threat.

Nettle’s point is that knowing your personality puts you in touch with its pros and cons. And that helps you make better choices for happiness.

Happiness life strategy

It’s no secret to Happiness Strategies readers that I score high on both introversion and neuroticism. Realizing I had these predispositions gave me two of my most reliable and effective happiness strategies.

1. Recognizing my introverted tendencies led me to re-structure my life to have more alone time. I changed my work situation so I can work from home and I stopped going out so much. I now feel drained much less and enjoy my social time much more. I look forward to being with people!

2. Facing my inner neurotic helped me pay less attention to my worries – I realized they weren’t necessarily ‘real’. It also helped me accept and enjoy my pleasure in order and tidiness – it was simply a quirk, so I could enjoy it instead of trying to deconstruct or change it.

Want to know yourself a little better? You could do an online personality test or read more about the Big Five dimensions. But you probably already have a good sense of your personality, and can gain more insight simply by tuning in.

By becoming more aware of your predispositions you too can work with them for greater happiness. For instance:

• Agreeableness
  If you feel resentful that your preferences often get pushed aside, realize your part in this. You could choose to raise your own priorities a smidge and lower your need to be loved by everyone all the time.
• Conscientiousness
  If you’re not so good at being organized and getting things done, office manager may not be the career for you. Look for opportunities that reward flexibility and don’t require routine – perhaps sales or creative work.
• Openness
  If you feel constrained by your friends you may benefit from looking for new people in your life. Instead of doing the things you find stifling, explore courses, classes or groups with interests that stimulate you. You might find a whole new dimension to yourself!

As Nettle says,

If your personality causes you grief, why not try changing the niche you occupy in this complex system that is modern life?

Technorati Tags: happiness,personality,extraversion,neuroticism,agreeableness,conscientiousness,openness,Big Five

Image konr4d

Well, yes and no – it depends on the book.

It may surprise you that research shows people panache is more polished in readers of Pride and Prejudice or Harry Potter than readers of How to Win Friends and Influence People.

According to a 2005 University of Toronto  study, reading fiction is linked to social skills like empathy and awareness. But non-fiction? Not so much.

The study was correlational, not causal, so we can’t say for sure that our reading matter makes us more or less socially adept.

I can see how reading fiction could boost people skills. After all, reading a novel gets you right into a character’s head – you experience ‘first hand’ another person’s feelings and cogitations, tuning you in to the depth of their internal life. It makes sense that your social insight would be cultivated. 

On the other hand, it could go in the other direction, with socially skilled people simply choosing to read more fiction. That would still be interesting. Perhaps reading fiction is a way to hone the skill, or perhaps it’s pleasurable to flex a strong empathy muscle.

Regardless of direction, there’s a link between reading stories and getting on with others. So it can’t hurt every now and then to put down your Q Is for Quantum Particle Physics and pick up A is for Alibi.

Technorati Tags: happiness,relationships,research,reading,fiction

Image: iofoto

Well fret no more, chocoholic chums – a recent SparkPeople article has set about busting these and other chocolate-coated myths.

Now before you install chocolate at the base of your personal food pyramid, take note: the quantities you can savor before the guilt-free swing-tag falls off are not large. The article quotes 1.4 ounces or about 40 grams – somewhere between a fun size and regular size chocolate bar.

Here’s a paraphrased summary of the article:

Myth: Chocolate puts you in caffeine overdrive.
Busted! A 4-ounce chocolate bar and 8-ounce chocolate-milk drink each contain 6 mg of caffeine,  versus 65-135mg in a regular coffee.

Myth: Chocolate kicks up your cholesterol.
Busted! The saturated fat in milk chocolate doesn’t raise cholesterol the same way other fats do. Eating a 1.4 ounce chocolate bar can raise HDL (good) cholesterol levels.

Myth: Chocolate is nutritionally bankrupt.
Busted! Chocolate yields magnesium, copper, iron and zinc and has the same amount of antioxidants as a 5-ounce glass of red wine. A daily dose of the dark stuff can help lower blood pressure and improve insulin resistance (but don’t abandon medication!).

Myth: Chocolate rots your teeth.
Busted! Milk chocolate’s mouth-clearing fat content shortens sugar-tooth contact time and its protein, calcium and phosphate may actually protect tooth enamel.

Myth: Chocolate gives you migraines.
Busted!  Research findings say nope.

Myth: Chocolate causes zits.
Busted! Twenty years worth of studies say nuh-uh.

Myth: Chocolate makes you a fatty boombah.
Busted! The average chocolate bar contains 220 calories, not so high that you can’t enjoy it now and then.

With Cupid just behind us and the Easter Bunny hippity-hoppitying his way over, it’s good to know we can indulge ourselves, moderately, in the pleasures of chocolate.

Be wise and be happy.

Technorati Tags: Happiness life strategy,happiness,research,chocolate,myth busting

Image: Scyza

A new study, reported last month in the media and about to appear in the journal Brain, Behavior, and Immunity, looked at the way our bodies produce antibodies in response to infection.

(Flu vaccines were used as a proxy for pathogens because the body’s response is similar for the purposes of the study.)

Not everybody has fun flu fighting

In the first experiment, Two groups of women were given flu vaccines. The high self-discrepant group – women who were displeased with themselves and their progress toward goals – produced fewer antibodies in response to the vaccine than a second group of women who were satisfied with their lives and goal progress. The levels stayed low for more than a month post-vaccination.

In a second experiment high self-discrepant women were asked to write – one group wrote about goal-related concerns, a second wrote about daily activities. The first group reported fewer flu symptoms and showed higher antibody levels.

Happiness life strategy

To have a strong immune system it helps to be on track with our life goals, or at least to be at peace with our progress.

But if we can’t, there’s still hope for fighting the flu.

By getting our disappointments out of our head and onto the page, we can be more rational in examining our expectations, more clearheaded in questioning our approaches and more constructive in coming up with alternative ideas.

If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, maybe we should eat it while writing.

Image: ppreacher

You can’t change someone else. And pressuring them to change tends to make them dig their heels in further. We all have a bit of that rebellious child still in us.

But there’s one person you can change – you. And because relationships are mini systems, you only have to alter one part (yourself) to affect the whole system (the relationship).

Let’s say Ken is always late meeting Barbie at the movies. Barb hates missing the start so she’s constantly berating Ken for not getting there on time. Which does nothing to change his tardiness.

Valentine’s Day Happiness Strategy: Make like Michael Jackson and start with the Man in the Mirror

Instead of persisting with this pointless ploy, Barbie could change her own behavior and do something different. For instance:

• When making plans, she could tell Ken she’ll buy her ticket and head in just before the movie starts, and if he’s not there, she’ll catch him for coffee afterward. The trick is to keep it light and pleasant – not threatening or ultimatum-like.
• She could see movies with punctual friends and do less time-sensitive activities with Ken.
• She might choose movies she has little interest in to see with Ken. That way she won’t care if she misses the beginning and she can just enjoy Ken’s company.

By doing something different, Barbie jolts both Ken and herself out of their current behavior pattern. Depending on how much Ken wants to see (particular) movies with Barbie, he may well be motivated to turn up on time.

But the beauty of this approach for Barbie is regardless of what Ken does, she’s no longer stuck in frustration and resentment. Barbie just made herself happier with nary a concern about Ken’s crappy timekeeping.

Leaving her more relaxed for quality time in her camper van.

Did you miss:

• When you’re waiting for Prince/Princess Charming to come along and make you happy – what should you do?
• When you’ve forgotten what you ever saw in them – what should you do?

Technorati Tags: happiness,relationships,love

Image: paultalbot

The things we find attractive or endearing at first – Cuthbert’s slight arrogance,  Mavis’s raucous laugh – can come to annoy the bejesus out of us over time. They haven’t necessarily changed, we’ve zeroed in on minor irritations – sometimes at the expense of major qualities. 

Valentine’s Day Happiness Strategy: Switch from the husband/wife’s list to the widower/widow’s list

In Follow Your Heart, Andrew Matthews describes the two mental lists we have in our heads:

1. the husband/wife’s short list – a puny play-by-play of peeves
2. the widower/widow’s long list – a comprehensive compendium of character

It’s easy to spend years ruminating on petty irritations: Cuthbert says supposably instead of supposedly; Mavis gets mascara goop in her eyes. But if one day Cuth or Mave should cark it, suddenly the long list gets whipped out: he was so loyal, kind and reliable; she was truly generous, caring and good-natured.

Matthews suggests we do the switcheroo on these lists and consciously focus on the things we love about people while they’re here. By bringing the large virtues into our mental foreground we can often shove the pesky little vices way into the distance.

Then, as Andrews says, when they’re gone we can ‘console ourselves with thoughts like "he snored anyway"’.

Coming up:

• When ‘they’ won’t change – what should you do?

Did you miss:

• When you’re waiting for Prince/Princess Charming to come along and make you happy – what should you do?

Image: paultalbot

As Thursday is Valentine’s Day,
this week we turn to some
relationship-themed happiness strategies.

Today – a happiness strategy for singles looking for love:

• When you’re waiting for Prince/Princess Charming to come along and make you happy – what should you do?

Tomorrow -  a happiness strategy for couples:

• When you’ve forgotten what you ever saw in them – what should you do?

Friday – a happiness strategy for relationships and friendships in general:

• When ‘they’ won’t change – what should you do?

When you’re waiting for Prince/Princess Charming to come along and make you happy – what should you do?

Are you waiting for that magical partner to appear and make you happy? Fix your life? Get you out of your rut?

If so, I have some very upsetting news for you. Actually, I have twin upsetting newslets.

1. There’s only one person responsible for fixing your life, and that’s you, dude. You knew I was gonna say it and you know it’s true. So let’s move on.

2. When someone is miserable and their life is shambolic, do you think their FaceBook walls light up with invitations? It’s not that people just aren’t that into them. It’s that  people leave the state to avoid them. Happy, together people want to be with other happy, together people.

Valentine’s Day Happiness Strategy: To attract someone fabulous, be fabulous

The single best thing you can do to meet someone fabulous is be fabulous. Forget waiting, manipulating, lamenting, whining, bargaining and surgical enhancements.

Instead, put your energy into being your best self and developing the qualities you desire in someone else. Go back to that list of the traits you crave in your fantasized love bunny and see how many you have.

If you take yourself off hold and start looking after your own happiness, not only will your life immediately start to pick up, but you’ll become way more appealing too.

When that happens, can I get your number for my friend?

Coming up:

• When you’ve forgotten what you ever saw in them – what should you do?
• When ‘they’ won’t change – what should you do?

Image: paultalbot

The result is fun, and a cute reminder of those findings about happiness – some of which may be familiar to Happiness Strategies readers via 101 Happiness Strategies and Book Reviews.

Here’s a sample from the article:

Fire your therapist if he so much as mentions your childhood.
Contra Freud and pro common sense, much of Authentic Happiness author Martin Seligman’s research suggests that rehashing events that enraged you long ago tends to produce depression rather than sweet closure and relief.

If someone tells you he’s still pining for his ex, ask the ex out.
Stumbling on Happiness author Dan Gilbert is currently conducting a study designed to show that the best way to predict how much you’ll enjoy a blind date is to ask the last person to go out with your date how much fun he had.

If you can’t decide what TV to buy, walk across the hall and ask your neighbor if he likes his.
In multiple studies, subjects felt they’d be better able to predict their reaction to an experience by imagining it, rather than hearing somebody else’s testimony. Even regarding such seemingly straightforward activities as deciding whether to eat pretzels or potato chips, they were wrong. Turns out, people are happier following advice.

If you go on a shopping spree, throw away the receipts.
In one study cited by both Schwartz and Gilbert, photography students were allowed to keep only one picture taken during their course. Some students were later allowed to swap their choice for a different photo, yet those who couldn’t change were much happier. How did they deal with inflexibility? By rationalizing how much they enjoyed their new decoration.

Take the local, and don’t wait for the express.
Inaction, on the other hand, gnaws away at the mind relentlessly, like so many rats chewing on an empty Mountain Dew bottle someone dropped onto the tracks as you idly waited for the 4. You should have just jumped on the 6.

Join a church, a yoga studio, an Alcoholics Anonymous group, or an underground fight club.
People who have more friends and belong to community-building groups are happier. To paraphrase the Norm MacDonald–era “Weekend Update,” perhaps that’s the kind of finding that could have been published in the scientific journal Duh, but there it is.

Order from the same takeout menu every time.
Researchers found that subjects asked to choose their meals weeks in advance mistakenly predicted that variety would make them happier, while those who simply decided what to eat on the spot were completely satisfied with the same thing each week. (Although eating macaroni and cheese endlessly, like repeating any pleasant experience over and over, reduces its appeal—so switch it up with cheeseburgers.)

Excerpted from http://nymag.com/news/features/17574/

Technorati Tags: happiness,new york,happiness research,happiness strategies for new yorkers

If you need a little refresher on technique, Mary Poppins and friends have some notes

We all love to laugh (er, don’t we?). But ever since Norman Cousins extolled the therapeutic benefits of Marx Brothers-induced giggles, laughter has been lauded for its healthful effects as well as its pleasurable sensations.

According to the latest Fitness First magazine, laughter:

• transforms negative stress into wellbeing
• strengthens the immune system
• is anti-ageing
• reduces depression and anxiety
• develops confidence
• improves our sense of humour
• encourages creativity, imagination and problem-solving
• is an aerobic exercise, equivalent to cardiovascular exercise
• increases the body’s natural painkillers
• reduces stress-related hormones

(Fitness First, January/February 2008, page 42. Research sources not provided) .

Happiness life strategy

So it feels good to laugh and there are many great reasons to do it. The trick is to get those laughs happening more often.

Here are some ideas for raising your daily laughter load:

• Swap the tear jerker for some movie tomfoolery.
  Try Ground Hog Day, American Pie, Clueless – or ask like-minded friends for recommendations.
• Watch funny TV shows.
  Modern classics include Friends and Seinfeld.  My personal faves are Arrested Development, The Office (US version), and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Get the DVDs and have them on hand for a regular dose of diversion.
• Lower your laughter threshold.
  Some people are determined not to laugh unless the joke is extremely worthy and all the stars are aligned. Be an easy laugher – have your funny bone exposed and ready for tickling.
• Avoid gloomy or overly serious people.
  It’s their choice to refuse to partake in silliness, but they’ll take the fun out of it for you. Instead…
• Spend time with laughers.
  Ever noticed how watching actors laugh on blooper reels makes you laugh too? Laughter is infectious – so hang out with easily amused friends and soon chortling will become second nature for you, too.
• Smile more.
  It looks good, it feels good, it makes others feel good – and it’ll help train those cheek muscles for all that laughter you’ll be doing.

Here are his top 10 steps to becoming irresistibly attractive, reproduced verbatim from
http://www.topten.org/public/BK/BK2.html

The Top 10 Steps to Becoming Irresistibly Attractive

1. Don’t need much.
If you need something, usually it will run away/escape you. Get your personal and financial needs met first and you’ll find yourself attracting vs seducing.

2. Think big, really big.
Attraction occurs when there is a healthy vacuum between where you are and what you want to have happen. The wider the gap, the greater the pulling power of attraction.

3. Eliminate the holes in your life.
Where are you being depleted? By whom? Plug those holes by extending boundaries, raising standards, resolving past issues, healing. Attraction won’t find you until you’re ready. Get ready.

4. Pay attention to what’s happening to/around you RIGHT NOW.
Attraction LIVES in the moment, not in the future. Are you responding fully to both the problems and the opportunities that are occurring — in force — right now, in your space? Gotta start here, where attraction can find you.

5. Learn from people who are naturally attractive.
Some people are; some people aren’t. Hang out with those who are and emulate them. And ask for help. They’ll be happy to tell you how it works. Just be ready to make changes in your thinking, assumptions, actions and behavior.

6. Increase your awareness.
Sounds trite, but it’s necessary. Attraction is a subtle phenomenon. You won’t feel it or get it until you’ve increased your awareness of yourself, those around you, how you think, your life assumptions.

7. Add value to whomever or whatever you encounter.
We all have something to add. Add it. If you don’t have enough to add, learn a new skill. When you ADD what you have to other’s lives, whether they are clients, friends, potential customers, family, YOU become much more attractive.

8. Tell the truth.
This means more than not lying. There is a level of telling the truth that will truly set you free and attract others to you. And, there is a way to tell the truth from a place of love vs power. Usually having awareness and advanced phrasing is what helps this process occur naturally. That, plus having enough reserve in your life so you can afford any consequences of telling the truth.

9. Build a reserve in all areas.
When you have enough money, time, space, love, ideas, opportunities, friends, you’ll become an even stronger magnet for what you want — because you won’t NEED it.

10. Do what YOU want to do in life.
We’ve all been overly influenced by shoulds, oughts and have-to’s. So much so that what you/we want to do has been suppressed WAY down deep.

Happiness life strategy

Leonard’s idea of attractiveness – of being the kind of person who draws to you the things you desire, rather than having to madly chase them – well, it’s a very attractive idea. But I find his steps a little overwhelming. How can we apply them in our own lives?

One approach is to read over each one and see if you feel prompted to make a particular change or take up a certain action that gels with where you are now. Then you could re-visit the steps in, say, a week or a month (I always diarize tasks I want to remember) and notice what speaks to you then. That way, you can slowly absorb this notion of becoming irresistibly attractive and allow it to permeate your life.

And if it still seems a little overwhelming, maybe that’s not a bad thing. As Leonard says, you want a ‘healthy vacuum between where you are and what you want to have happen. The wider the gap, the greater the pulling power of attraction’.

Image: mike@bensalem under the terms of a creative commons license

A recent article in London’s Telegraph (via SMH) quoted research that a person’s birth date can influence their personality.

Now before you run screaming for astrology.com, please note that Richard Wiseman, psych professor at Hertfordshire Uni, observes in the article that these findings are ‘exactly what you would expect if it were temperature related… many of the effects reverse in the two hemispheres’.

Just what are these birth-date-related personality effects?

In the northern hemisphere (the effects reverse in the south):

• May-born women show more impulsivity
• November-born women are more reflective
• Spring-born men exhibit greater persistence
• People born in autumn tend toward greater physical activity and soccer skill
• People born in spring are more cerebral and may have an aptitude for chess

It seems then that personality isn’t in the stars – but it might be partly in the seasons.

Happiness life strategy

Now if you’re a November-born gal who enjoys her daily omphaloskepsis, or a spring-babe with a fondness for Bobby Fischer, then by all means let these findings spur you on. But please don’t take personality categories as justification for being less than your best.  Avoid stories like this:

• See, that’s why I throw things – I was born in May
• I can’t get on with people because I’m a Leo/introverted/in the Dominant quadrant

They only deny you the full scope of your potential and your personality and limit your happiness. Instead, embrace personality characteristics that work for you – perhaps your compassion, sense of beauty, or analytical mind – and downplay those that don’t.

Remember too that findings like those in the article reflect an average effect - there’ll be millions of impulsive people born in other months and millions of May-borns with a calm temperament.

We all have a spectrum of behaviours open to us. Although different people may have access to different spectra – by virtue of genes, upbringing, habit or even birth season – there’s never only one narrow path we’re forced to tread. Whatever your spectrum, aim for the pole that brings out your best.

To open up your potential for happiness, don’t let yourself be pigeon-holed. Nurture the personality traits that serve you and choose to rise above the ones that don’t.

Image: pyrator under the terms of a creative commons license

If you think alcohol is a good way to feel good when things go bad, think again. A recent SMH article shed light on liquor’s little secret – it can lead to depression.

‘Compared to people who drink because they’re depressed, there are more people who get depressed because they regularly drink too much’, says Professor Sitharthan Thiagarajan of the Australian Centre for Addiction Research.

Why this is so is not clear. It may be that excessive alcohol affects mood centres in the brain. Or perhaps drinking too much causes distressing work or family problems.

The good news is that drinking less can reverse the problem.

‘We know that when people drink a lot over a long period, their mood goes down – yet when they start to drink less, their mood goes up’, says Thiagarajan.

In fact, a 2,500-person study of the Centre’s Controlled Drinking by Correspondence Program found that learning to drink less improved people’s mood. And we’re not talking intractable alcoholics, here – the participants were generally people with education, employment and relationships for whom alcohol had simply become a 6+ drinks-a-day habit.

Happiness life strategy

If you turn to booze as a daily staple, think about other ways to relax or feel good. I like watching comedies and reading fiction, and I have friends who enjoy a dip in the pool, walking, playing drums, cooking, dancing, chatting to friends on the phone or listening to music.

Opt for a little less hootch in your life and you just might find yourself with a little more happiness.

Technorati Tags: happiness,happines life strategy,alcohol,depression

Image: antoinedemorris under the terms of a Creative Commons Licence.

Teenage affluenza is spreading fast

This video has done the rounds, but it’s well worth revisiting, even at more than 5 minutes. If you haven’t seen it, please do – your time and attention will be rewarded.

It brilliantly highlights the effect comparison has on how we see our lives. If we compare our bodies with those of supermodels, our bank accounts with those of media moguls, or our track times with those of Olympic athletes, it probably won’t do much to boost our happiness. But if we’re a little wiser, we can choose to see our lives in a more realistic light, and recognize just how much we have to be happy about.

The video is so cool because of its humor.

Humor is also how David Rakoff’s recent essay collection makes his point about our culture of excess. It’s delightfully titled:

Now, Don’t Get Too Comfortable:
The Indignities of Coach Class, the Torments of Low Thread Count, the Never-ending Quest for Artisanal Olive Oil, and Other First World Problems.

Happiness life strategy

UrbanDictionary.com defines first world problems as:

Problems from living in a wealthy, industrialized nation that third worlders would probably roll their eyes at.

The truth is, most of our problems fit this category. We live in the first world, so it makes sense that social slights, iPods and overweight are the kinds of concerns that occupy us. But the reminder from commentators like World Vision and David Rakoff to run the occasional reality check on our perspective, expectations and points of comparison is worth heeding.

Choosing to see our problems in perspective leaves us with less to worry about and more to appreciate. And that’s a great life strategy for happiness.

l often listened to Ziggy while doing chores, tucking him into my shoulder strap if I didn’t have a pocket. You can see where this is going, can’t you?

There I was, belting out Bob Sinclar’s Rock This Party. I reached across to straighten something in the bathroom, thinking as I did, I’d better not do that – Ziggy could fall into the toilet – but before I could finish the thought he’d plopped right in. I quickly fished him out and dried him off but alas, my efforts at resuscitation were futile.

(I have no words of wisdom to mark Ziggy’s drowning. I can only post this note to commemorate him. He was a much-loved gadget, a noble gadget, and he shall be missed. *sniff*)

But life goes on – as do music, audiobooks and podcasts. So today I’d like to introduce Ziggy Jr.

He’s a Nano – 8G, black, and with that gorgeous Cover Flow that almost makes the audio redundant. I went for sleek teeniness and sacrificed space – so there’ll be a period of adjustment as I learn to have only 8G with me at a time.

ONLY 8G! I remember having a SONY Walkman (that’s a cassette player people!). It was such a pleasure to have music on the go that I never thought anything of having to rotate tapes.

Happiness life strategy

Which brings me to a very valuable happiness strategy: picking the happy brain filter – the part of any situation, person or thing we focus on. As Abe Lincoln said:

We can complain because rose bushes have thorns,
or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.

(Dang that was a smart president! Remember when presidents used to be smart?)

There are always thorns – it’s part of what makes this life and not heaven (however you conceive each to be). But don’t let thorns blind you to the magnificent blooming thing hiding there at the end of the stem.

Ziggy Jr is a tiny work of art, a truly beautiful union of function and form – and I already love him. So what if I have to limit my mobile audiobooks, podcasts and playlists to 8G at a time? So what if I have to do a little manipulation when I sync? I’ll get used to it.

And if I don’t – well, there are always gardening gloves.

Technorati Tags: happiness,happiness strategies,life strategies,iPod,Nano,quotes

Image by by saroz under Creative Commons Attribution 2.0.

It’s not easy to shake off a mantle you’ve worn for a long time – even if it no longer suits you. And that makes it hard to re-connect with any passion lurking below.

For me, the answer to the question What work would bring me happiness? came with time, and from reading books. Books always seem to have the answers I’m looking for.

But you might prefer a different approach – perhaps using exercises, writing and active self-exploration. If that sounds like you, I’ve found a resource you might like.

Cheryl Richardson has suggestions for locating your latent love in her Passion Path of Development. This is a four-stop journey to finding where your ‘deepest delights’ lie:

Stop 1: Make space

Stop 2: Be an explorer

Stop 3: Find the gold

Stop 4: Take action

Along the way she suggests specific exercises, activities and journal-writing tasks as tools for helping you move toward your passion.

I remember being in that post-corporate limbo, trying to recall what my likes and dislikes had been before I’d sacrificed them to the God of suck-cess. Along with clarity about work came other realizations: that the music I liked was classified as alternative; that I wasn’t, and never had been, a people person; that I much preferred fun costume pieces to real jewelry, and that I was inordinately fond of anything pink and sparkly.

So if you’re committed to uncovering rather than imposing, be warned that your natural inclinations may be less polished or sophisticated than you’ve been telling yourself all these years.

But whatever you do – please don’t discover you like talkback radio.

Related posts:
Happiness Life Strategy: How to find your passion
Happiness Life Strategy: How to find your passion #2

Image by by Lost in Scotland under Creative Commons Attribution 2.0.

Founders of the registry, Dr Rena Wing and Dr James O. Hill offer ‘11 golden rules’ for long-term success.

Here’s my summary of the rules from the article.

1. Ditch the diet
Once weight is lost, it’s time for maintenance mode. Dieting doesn’t work long-term.

2. Embrace exercise
In Dr Hill’s opinion, ‘exercise is the single most important strategy’.

3. You can do less, if you do it more
Of the 91% of registry members who exercise 60-90 minutes daily, most break it down into 10-15-minute mini-workouts. They fit walks or resistance exercises in when and where they can.

4. Break the fast
Since breakfast helps prevent overindulgence later in the day, it’s a daily staple of 78% of registry members.

5. Be a dietary creature of habit
People who eat consistently through the week maintain their weight over a year better than strict-weekday, relaxed-weekend dieters.

6. Plan a naughty treat
A small dietary indulgence once a week or so can head off major temptation.

7. Less fat, more carbs
Fat is easy to overeat – it tastes good and doesn’t look like a lot of calories. Carbs are fuel. The average registry member’s diet is 25-30% fat, 15-20% protein and 50-60% carbohydrates.

8. Step up
Registry members walk 11,000-12,000 steps daily. That’s 6.4-8.8 km and more than twice the average Australian’s daily perambulation. For 28% of registry members walking is their sole exercise (delightfully witty pun unintended); 50% do other cardio as well as walking.

9. Weigh in regularly
More than 75% of registry members weigh themselves more than once a week. They aren’t slavish about daily fluctuations, but take increased weight over several days as a call to remedial action.

10. If at first you don’t succeed…
Nine out of ten registry members failed to keep weight off on previous tries. This time they had greater commitment – they slipped up, but they got back on track.

11. It gets easier
The longer the weight is off, the better the chance it will stay off.

If ditching those pesky homing kilos once and for all is one of your happiness strategies for 2008, then why not follow the example of these long-term losers.

I will be, starting with Rule #6. And to show my commitment, I’m gonna do it every day!

Image by Thinking Tree under Creative Commons Attribution 2.0.

The answer, it seems, is not necessarily the best-paid ones. According to the article:

- Americans are reasonably happy workers. About 90% rate their jobs as moderately or very satisfying.
- The highest happiness scorers are firefighters and priests, occupations with incomes around the US average.

I won’t go into the hierarchy of happy vocations diagrammed in TIME because I’d hate to imply that a particular job makes happiness more or less likely. In fact, even though I’ve provided the link I don’t recommend you check out where your job sits on the index – unless you’re already pretty happy and won’t be discouraged if your job ranks low. There are happy and unhappy people in every occupation, so knowing the happiness rank of the average person with your job isn’t all that enlightening.

TIME asks which jobs make people happy, but a better question is which job will make you happy. The kind of work that can bring you happiness will most likely:

• Tap your talents and strengths
• Be enjoyable
• Give you a sense of purpose and meaning.

It’s no wonder, then, that firefighters and clerics top the list – you wouldn’t choose either career path to dodge the family business or make a quick buck – you’d have to feel called to it. It’s also significant that these high happiness scorers are average income earners.

Once again, it seems that meaning matters more than money in making you happy. (Hey – I could have said merry.)

As if we needed more convincing.

Related posts:
Happiness Life Strategy: How to find your passion
How to be happy – 10. Don’t keep up with the Joneses

Determined to make my way in the world, I took my commerce degree and spent the next 13 years in financial-services marketing. The early years were fun and exciting, but the higher up the ladder I went, the more urgently flashed Stephen Covey’s warning that my ladder might be up against the wrong wall. I dismissed it as an after-image indelibly burned on my retinas from all those eighties nightclub strobes. (Steps, anyone? Rogues?)

That was until I got married and things became more skewed – I discovered that my husband (the betrayal still smarts) enjoyed his work. Clearly, something was very wrong with one of us. Probably him, I rationalized.

Then one day I was chatting to a friend. I said, ‘You know when you’re heading back from lunch and you see a truck and you think: How cool would it be to get run over – not seriously hurt, just enough to spend a couple of weeks in hospital…’

Well, I never got to finish the thought – my friend was so alarmed I had to pretend it was a joke and change the subject. That’s when I knew it was time for financial-services marketing and I to part ways.

It took several months to work out what I wanted to do, and when I did it was so blindingly obvious that you’d think I had been hit by that truck and suffered several unsuccessful rounds of remedial frontal lobe work.

Three books were immeasurably helpful – both to me and to the many friends and family members who’ve since sought guidance in navigating their own career crossroads. Each book fills a different role, and together they make a fantastic set of resources for finding your passion – even if it turns out to be blindingly obvious.

Do What You Love, The Money Will Follow
by Marsha Sinetar

Do What you Love is like a long conversation with a wonderfully wise friend. It goes the deepest of the three books, encouraging you to think about who you are and to explore the importance of finding a way to express yourself. Don’t be scared though – I’m not a touchy-feely person and I wasn’t freaked out at all. The insights are well worth the journey.

The Money or Your Life
by John Clark

The Money or Your Life is more of a practical workbook.

It’s filled with fun cartoons, motivating quotes, thought-provoking diagrams and good common sense.

Follow Your Heart by Andrew Matthews

Andrew Matthews writes delightful books that he illustrates with great warmth, wisdom and humor. Follow your Heart  is encouraging, motivating and charming. This book is the most ‘lightweight’ of the three, but is still loaded with helpful insights for the career-challenged soul.

Note: The first two are a little hard to find, so I’ve included the best links I could ferret out. The last one is easily available on Amazon or through my Happy Store.