Happiness Strategies | How to be Happy

Last week I reviewed a book about the happiness ‘problem’ – the reality that although (US) incomes have doubled in the last 50 years, people are no happier. In that book much of the onus for fixing the problem was placed on society. Now I’m a big fan of individual power, but it did get me thinking about the growing interest in happiness at an economic and policy level.

In a recent Sydney Morning Herald article Peter Hartcher cited diverse but compelling evidence of an emerging ‘happiness agenda’ – a push toward making happiness a greater responsibility of the state:

Happiness coverage in the business (!) press
Forbes magazine reported that there’s only a small happiness differential between ‘rich, high-powered business executives’ on $100 million a year and East African Masai people earning $100 a month. And Newsweek magazine observed ‘the momentum toward a “wellbeing state” seems unstoppable’.

Comparison with the environment
Lindsay Tanner (Australian Labor Party finance spokesman and author of Crowded Lives) said happiness and relationships now are where the the environment was during the 70s – starting to become a political issue.

Already on Britain’s political program
Leader of Britain’s Tories (political ‘heir to Margaret Thatcher’, no less) David Cameron is further along, saying ‘It’s time we admitted there’s more to life than money, and it’s time we focused on just on GDP [sic], but on GWB – general wellbeing’.

Enlightened students
The most popular course at Havard is on positive psychology.

The people have spoken
A Herald poll found 77% support for the idea that ‘a government’s prime objective should be achieving the greatest happiness of the people, not the greatest wealth’.

My two cents
Hartcher notes that while the incumbent Howard government* boasts of economic success, opposition leader Rudd seems more in tune with a happiness-themed agenda of housing, child-care and grocery prices. I’m not sure this isn’t still economics, but Hartcher’s point that Rudd is appealing to a population disillusioned by economic growth is well taken.

I think it would be wonderful if happiness figured more strongly in world affairs and public policy. But whatever the politicians promise, make sure being happy is high on your own personal agenda. At least that’s something you can depend on.

*Australia is approaching a federal election. The date is yet to be announced.

Lesson 1: If you’re making a face, you’re probably working too hard.

Over many years of gymming I’ve seen dozens of get-fit new-year’s-resolutionists.

Some come in every day, work out like they’re training for Die Hard 5: Having a Heart Attack, and leave looking like Rocky 13 (do you really need a subtitle?). They’re usually gone by February. And who can blame them – it’s gotta be stressful to grimace and grunt so much that cro-magnons would titter.

Others find their own rhythm, increasing their effort over time but keeping it sane. They’re still there for the Christmas party.

Happiness strategy:
Don’t pull a life muscle in your ferocity to get the things you want. Just keep going for regular, manageable and challenging progress. But do keep going.

Lesson 2: Into every lift, a little sweat must fall

On the other hand, if you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and a mini-umbrella’d drink wouldn’t be out of place, then you might get an equivalent training benefit from a brisk walk to the sofa to watch Californication.

I see people at my gym who come year after year, never losing the weight or gaining the strength they joined for. Their approach is usually one of these:

• They take a leisurely ride on the recumbent bike with the latest Ian McEwan novel. I half expect to see them take out a pipe, adjust their cravat and savor a sip of the 12-year-old single malt in the drink holder.
• They stroll the treadmill while having long, convoluted conversations on their mobiles.
• They lift teeny-tiny weights with their bellies hanging out and shoulders slumped, punctuated by long rest periods where they examine their biceps.

Happiness strategy:
If your efforts in life are 100% secretion-free, then you’re probably fooling yourself. You’re certainly not fooling anyone else, since most of us know what hard work looks like – there’s puffing, perspiring, and that tell-tale look of exertion. Check in with your own refection – you might need to work a little harder to get the good things you want.

Lesson 3: Know your yes-buts

There are countless superficially convincing, but actually utterly bogus, excuses for skipping your workout. With a little self-awareness and preparation you can short-circuit many of these and stop the excuses before they start

Yes-but it’s raining. Get waterproof runners and a hooded, waterproof jacket.

Yes-but I’ll go tomorrow instead. Have a set schedule of workout days and off days so you never need to have this conversation with yourself

Yes-but I don’t feel like it. You might not always feel like brushing your teeth, but you do it, don’t you. (Don’t you?) Some things are simply part of life. Exploring your feelings about them may poke your inner marshmallow, but it gets you nowhere.

Yes-but I look fat in this sweatband. I’m not gonna lie to you – workout wear is not always pretty. Sausage skins only suit chipolata and kaftans create a pedal hazard. Opt instead for comfortably-fitted tanks, tees, shorts and pants in dark colors.

Yes-but my iPod’s uncharged. What! Dude, NEVER have your iPod uncharged.

Happiness strategy:
You know your lame life excuses, so take pre-emptive action to remove their sting. If you’re ready for them, they won’t succeed in holding you back from a happier life.

Cyborg disclaimer

If you’re any kind of cyborg or bionic person then the preceding may not apply to you, and good luck to you, sir/madam. For the rest of us, persevering with anything – especially working out -  can get harder as boredom and decreasing marginal returns set in. Applying these lessons to your life might help you get past the sticking point and achieve your goals. Which is a good way to get a little happier.

Nora Ephron has a wonderful book of essays called I feel bad about my neck. In The story of my life in 3,500 words or less she talks about the time she sat with a friend in a small movie screening room. It became so overfilled that people were asked to share seats. Vexed by this, she turned to her friend and observed that someone should set up folding chairs in the aisles.

Her friend calmly replied, ‘Nora, we can’t do everything’.

This was a revelation to Nora – she felt as if she’d ‘been given the secret of life’.

And its a wonderful reminder for those of us who think we can, or should, fix everything in the world around us. Trying to do everything can be terribly frustrating, both for us and for the unsuspecting victims of our efforts.

We simply cannot do everything. Sometimes it’s better to just sit back and enjoy the movie.

Layard is described on the dust jacket as ‘one of Britain’s best-known economists and a world expert on unemployment and inequality’. As you’d expect, his background profoundly informs his take on happiness.

The first part of the book surveys the ‘problem’ – the now-well-known statistic that although (US) incomes have doubled over the past 15 years, people are no happier. Why is this so?

Explanations include:

• The hedonic treadmill – we quickly adapt to ups and downs
• Social comparison -  if everyone’s income has improved, where’s the fun in that?
• Difficulties finding work-life balance
• Pervasive inequality.

This first part also touches on things that make little or no difference to our happiness: age; gender; looks; IQ; and education.

And those that do: family relationships; financial situation; work; community and friends; health; personal freedom; and personal values.

In the second part Layard turns to remedies, which for him are essentially social and economic and focus on issues such as pollution, equality, poverty, and mental health. His prescription for a happier society includes:

1. Monitoring national happiness levels
2. Re-thinking issues such as taxes, which can help preserve work-life balance, and performance-based pay, which can feed the rat race mentality
3. Spending more on Third World assistance
4. Spending more on remedying mental illness
5. Promoting family-friendly work practices
6. Subsidizing community activities
7. Reducing high unemployment via ‘tough-and-tender’ policies
8. Fighting want-escalation by controls on advertising, especially to children
9. Expanding education to include morality, empathy, emotion management, parenting and citizenship, and promoting a sense of purpose greater than the individual.

In short:
Layard draws on research from psychology, neuroscience, sociology and applied economics in a style that’s readable and clear. The book’s analysis of the happiness ‘problem’ is comprehensive, but its solutions are largely social and economic. If you’re looking for a more personal approach to a happier life, for techniques and tools to boost your own happiness, then this book may not satisfy you.

Title: Happiness: Lessons from a new science
Author: Richard Layard
Publisher information: The Penguin Press, New York, 2005

On Friday I turned 40. I was touched by the kindness of family and friends in helping me make big deal of it – which got me wondering why 40 can have such a negative connotation. After all, turning 40 simply means the earth has orbited the sun 14,570 times since I was born.

But I guess 40 is traditionally middle aged. That’s an association I choose to shrug off as long as I have glitter in my body lotion and Abba on my iPod.

If you’d like to join me in this quest, here’s my list of 40 things to do (or keep doing) to make your 40s fabulous rather than frumpy…

1. Take up weight training. You’ll sleep better, feel better, look better and be stronger. (I like Body Pump – good music and fun workouts.)

2. Smile at strangers.

3. Read books that make you happy.

4. Watch movies that make you happy.

5. Listen to music that makes you happy.

6. Join Facebook and feel connected.

7. Eat cupcakes.

8. Have a girls’ or boys’ night out.

9. Get an iPod and listen to music you love while doing chores.

10. (For the girls) Throw out all your make up and buy just a few, fabulous things that make you look great.

11. Give to charity every thing in your wardrobe that’s ill-fitting, out of date, or doesn’t suit you. Buy just a few fabulous items that make you feel good.

12. Dance in the car whenever you hear a cool song on the radio. It will put you in a happy mood for wherever you’re going.

13. Forgive every grudge. Even if that person is an undeserving crapwad, do it for you.

14. Do something for your mind every day – a crossword, sudoku, brain-teaser, or whatever you find fun and stimulating.

15. Spend time with genuine friends – people you can have challenging, encouraging and sincere conversations with.

16. Avoid the superficial – it creates a sense of time running out.

17. Don’t multi-task; where possible, do fewer things.

18. Cancel subscriptions to papers and magazines you don’t love to read.

19. Record TV shows or buy the DVDs so you never have to watch whatever’s on.

20. Approach comedies expecting to laugh – you’ll be more likely to.

21. Watch comedies. (I like Friends, Buffy, Arrested Development, The Office (US).)

22. Give to charity anything in your house that hasn’t been used in the past 12 months. Some things you’ll end up needing to buy again. But the lightness you’ll feel will hugely outweigh this small inconvenience.

23. Accept compliments with a warm ‘Thank you!’.

24. Give compliments whenever you notice something you like in someone.

25. As you lie in bed each night, think of three things you’re grateful for.

26. As you wake each morning, stretch every part of your body. Let the pleasure of it make you squeal.

27. Listen to podcasts. There are so many good ones to expand your horizons. (I like Science & the City, New Scientist, SxSW, TED.)

28. Do daggy dancing – with your spouse, your friends, your kids. Crank up the stereo, turn out the lights and have yourself a disco ball. The moves don’t matter, as long as you’re having fun.

29. Take up a hobby you’ve always wanted to try. Sailing, drawing, calligraphy, ballroom dancing, Thai cooking – whatever your interest, there’s a class or a club just waiting for you. Take the time from TV-watching, going out for ‘drinks’ or boring dinner parties.

30. Tune in to your facial expressions. Does your ‘at rest’ face look grumpy? Change it to something that looks and feels good.

31. Swap anti-aging paranoia for great skincare, flattering outfits and attractive facial expressions.

32. Do a random act of kindness every day.

33. Expect more of yourself and less of everyone else.

34. Talk to yourself as though you’re a loving, wise and encouraging parent talking to a sweet child.

35. Make a new friend – at your gym, coffee shop, library or office.

36. Do a 24-hour negativity detox. Say nothing negative to yourself or anyone else, just for a day. It’s pretty much impossible, but it will open your eyes.

37. Set an hourly reminder on your watch or computer and check your posture. Imagine a string through the centre of your body and out of the top of your head. Pull it up – tightening your abs, lowering your shoulders, lifting your chin, head and eyes.

38. Buy something beautiful for your home. It can be as large as a piece of art or as small as a candle.

39. Find something encouraging in every conversation you have with others or yourself.

40. Remember that life is short. Don’t wait to be happy. Choose to be happy now.