Happiness Strategies | How to be Happy

In yesterday’s Guardian, Rebecca Hardy looked at a topic very close to this happiness strategist’s heart: although people are ‘popping happy pills like Smarties’, the accumulating mass of scientific research suggests that ’happiness is, quite literally, a state of mind’.

Hardy extensively quotes Sonja Lyubomirsky, a favorite researcher of mine and a co-author of the meta-analysis we’ve been drawing on for our three most recent happiness strategies (4: Be happy now, 5: Spread it around and 6: Make happiness a goal).

Although evidence supports the idea that some people are naturally happier than others, there’s also evidence we can all develop a happy person’s habits – that is, we can learn to behave in more happy-producing ways.

Things to avoid include:

• instant gratification via pleasure-seeking and incessant buying, which ‘leaves people ultimately dissatisfied and hankering for more’
• comparing ourselves to others
• unproductive rumination.

Better choices are:

• having goals, like learning new things, improving ourselves, and nurturing spiritual or philosophical ideas
• writing about our goals.

The article wraps up with 5 ways to lift your mood:

1. Note 3 things that went well today and why
2. Identify strengths and use them in new ways
3. Write about an imagined, future, best-possible self
4. Write a thank-you letter
5. Do five kind acts a week.

(We’ll explore each of these in later happiness strategies.)

My 2 cents

I have a friend who falls squarely into the ‘born happy’ category. She sees the upside of everything without trying to ‘look on the bright side’, thinks the best of everyone, is supremely confident, outgoing and talented, takes risks, and manages rejection and disappointment with poise.

Another friend (OK, it’s me) scores pretty high on neuroticism and introversion – the two personality traits most consistently associated with unhappiness. I have to perform mental contortions in order to keep my mood on an even keel and manage the quirks of worry and overwhelm that can loom large at times.

But since I’ve learned happiness skills and actively adopted a happiness mindset, the two of us are pretty much on par, being-happy-wise.

We all know people who are lucky enough to think positively on automatic pilot.

The rest of us are just as lucky. We simply need to grab the controls and do the steering a little more consciously.

Image by rodrigo senna under Creative Commons Attribution 2.0.

David Brooks’ column in today’s New York Times talks about the gap facing American voters. It’s not between right and left, not between rich and poor, but between voters’ ‘private optimism and their public gloom’.

It seems American voters are upbeat about their own lives, with the majority satisfied about their jobs, income, and future outlook.

But they’re decidedly downbeat concerning the state of their nation – including the president, Congress, the government’s problem-solving ability and its efficiency.

This ‘happiness gap’ means people are personally satisfied, but feeling threatened by the government’s inability to protect against global problems and macro threats. As a result, what the voters want is for ‘the government to change so their own lives can stay the same’.

My 2 cents

Are people really happy at a personal level? Much has been written (eg in Richard Layard’s book Happiness: Lessons from a new science) about ‘the happiness problem’ – the now-well-known statistic that although (US) incomes have doubled over the past 15 years, people are no happier. It may be that people are generally pleased with their material situation, but whether this translates into contentment is not so clear.

In a recent Sydney Morning Herald article Peter Hartcher cited diverse but compelling evidence of an emerging ‘happiness agenda’ – a push toward making happiness a greater responsibility of the state (which I summarized in The politics of happiness). Part of the reason for the shift was a growing dissatisfaction with the spoils of economic growth.

So perhaps it’s not so much that Americans are sitting pretty personally. Perhaps they are simply less excited by the promise of further economic growth to fund more material goodies. Perhaps that’s why they’re looking for a greater sense of peace.

Lesson:
A review of happiness perks

By now you probably need no more convincing that being happy is a good thing. We’ve seen how happiness supports your health, how happiness comes before, and sometimes causes, many other benefits, and how happiness is good for people around you, too.

Before moving on to new research lessons and strategies for applying them it’s worth reviewing the perks of choosing to be happy:

• Enjoying physical health
• Enjoying mental health
• Having better coping skills
• Being more resilient
• Feeling satisfied at work
• Having good relationships with colleagues, friends and loved ones
• Living a long life
• Having immune system strength
• Liking yourself
• Being more altruistic
• Liking others
• Being better at managing conflict

Of course, these findings are generalized across people – for some the effects are small or non-existent, for others they’re significant. In general, though, simply being happy is likely to have advantages for you and the people in your life.

The research is compelling, but you also know yourself that you have greater energy, get more done, suffer fewer colds, and find work better when you’re happy. When you’re down everything seems to go wrong.

Happiness strategy: Make happiness a goal

Contrary to being a selfish preoccupation, choosing to be happy can help boost your mental and physical resilience, improve your work, relationships and health, and lead you to be more altruistic, sociable and better at conflict management. It puts you in a strong position to contribute to your family, friends, community and society.

What all this means is that you can feel really good about making happiness a goal for yourself. Happiness isn’t just an end in itself, it’s also a means to being, doing, and giving more. With that in mind, let today be the day you make the choice to be happy. And there are many more strategies ahead to help you do just that.

Research sources:

Lyubomirsky, S., King, L., & Diener, E. (2005). The benefits of frequent positive affect: Does happiness lead to success? Psychological Bulletin, 131(6), 803-855.

How to be happy:
101 practical strategies drawn from positive psychology.

This post is part of a series covering simple, practical, research-inspired, happiness strategies you can use in your own life. For more information about the series, check out the 101 Happiness Strategies main page.

Image by by matsukawa1971 under Creative Commons.

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Lesson: Happiness makes you – well, nicer

Strategy 4 looked at the range of benefits associated with happiness. But the perks aren’t just for you. The 293-study meta-analysis from Strategy 4 also revealed benefits for your relationships and the people around you.

These findings came from the experimental studies, where good feelings were created artificially – for instance, by asking people to recall a pleasant memory or showing them a cheerful film. It seems being happy itself caused people to be more sociable and altruistic, to like others more, and to be better at resolving conflict.

Let’s take a closer look.

1. Happiness can make you more altruistic.
Happy people tend to do good things for others. Raising your own happiness can give you the desire and motivation to improve other people’s lives – whether at home or in the larger world.

2. Happiness leads you to like people (including yourself) more.
Happiness can make you more open, sociable, and able to enjoy others. Just imagine the difference being happy can make to a person’s home, work and social life.

3. Happiness improves your conflict resolution skills.
Disagreements can be stressful for everyone. Having a happier outlook can help you keep your head and calm things down when problems arise.

Happiness strategy: Spread it around

Some people find the idea of focusing on their own happiness selfish.

The world is full of tragedies – war, global warming, poverty, inequality, violence, to name a few – why should we be happy?

Closer to home there are the stresses of work, family, and sometimes difficult trials to navigate. Amid all the pressure, how can you justify thinking about your own happiness?

It seems that, just by being a happy person, you can benefit the world you live in – by being kinder to others, spreading more joy and helping to manage conflict. In fact, happiness is so important at a society level that some researchers think it should join economic and social indicators in measuring quality of life.

So you can feel good about choosing to be happy. You can enjoy knowing you’re likely to have more to give, and more desire to do so. Doesn’t that seem a better approach than staying unhappy?

Research sources:

Diener, E., Oishi, S., & Lucas, R. E. (2003). Personality, culture, and subjective well-being: Emotional and cognitive evaluations of life. Annual Review of Psychology, 54(1), 403-425.

Lyubomirsky, S., King, L., & Diener, E. (2005). The benefits of frequent positive affect: Does happiness lead to success? Psychological Bulletin, 131(6), 803-855.

How to be happy:
101 practical strategies drawn from positive psychology.

This post is part of a series covering simple, practical, research-inspired, happiness strategies you can use in your own life. For more information about the series, check out the 101 Happiness Strategies main page.

Image by angela7dreams under Creative Commons.